A long time ago, at a blogging conference, I went to a panel discussion on bullying and the internet. I was not being bullied online or receiving ugly comments with every post. I went to this discussion because I followed the women who were on the panel and I thought, still feel, they are the bees knees. I wanted to hear what they had to say about dealing with a constant barrage of hatefulness. There was one woman on the panel that I didn’t know, someone I now follow on instagram. Shauna Ahern is “a writer, teacher, inciter of joy.” Those are her words, but they’re true. This woman is devoted to kindness. During the panel discussion she shared stories of the hate mail/comments she received on a regular basis and the things people would write to her shocked me. I was absolutely floored by the amount of hatefulness.

Michael and I were watching a re-run of Saturday Night Live recently. The musical guest was Coldplay, a band I happen to love. Michael said something about it and I told him this: Snow Patrol and Coldplay started around the same time. They have similar sounds and I love them both. Snow Patrol tends to be heavier, with lyrics that stab me in the heart. Coldplay is light and more spiritual. Coldplay feels like the good parts of church. So Michael sat with me and listened and then he said “Oh…oh…I think I get it.” Then he asked why was it that so many people hated on Coldplay. It’s true. It’s not just a criticism of the music, there’s people that put out some serious hatefulness to all that is this band.

My answer for Michael was simple. It is because it is something good. The same reason why people send out hatefulness to bloggers who spread kindness and light. I don’t know what makes a person inherently hateful. It could be a thousand reasons, but I suspect all of the reasons lead back their own self. Seeing other’s joy and light makes a hater feel inadequate because they can’t see their own goodness. They lack joy in their own lives. They lack the ability to find comfort in their own true selves and they lash out at those who are brave enough to be true to themselves. It is a human trait that has been with us since the beginning of societal groups.

The choice to remain a person that continues to look for the light and share joy can at times be exhausting. Sometimes it feels like you are the underdog in this fight, that there is no way you are ever going to win.

Gratitude is what makes optimism sustainable. - Michael J. Fox

Everyone loves an underdog story.

I know that Shauna Ahern has a gratitude practice and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that the members of Coldplay also have their own gratitude practice. In every interview I’ve seen of Chris Martin, he has shown genuine gratitude to his fans. Gratitude really does seem to be the key to maintaining optimism. I am grateful for those who inspire me to keep up this fight against hatefulness. I am grateful for those who remind to look for the light, seek out the joy, and be brave enough to be my true self. This gratitude gives me the strength to see straight through the bullshit for the good that is on the other side.

There is always going to be this war but every time I find myself on the other side of that bullshit, I am winning.