February weather is the most oddball weather of all the other months. There are days that are below freezing followed with days of sunshiny warmth. One day it is raining and the next day it’s snowing. We turn the furnace up and we turn the furnace down. Some days it is all of the weathers at once. This is how February rolls. It is the beginning of months of unsettling.

Fitting right?

This week, I did my first outside loop walk of the year. It was a tad brisk, particularly in the shade, but the sun was glorious. Things are starting to green up and new growth has popped up in the garden beds not just at work, but I’ve noticed them at home too where I planted tulip bulbs. In years past, I always thought of these momentary warm weather days as a trick or a trap. I mean, today’s high is thirty six. Yesterday’s was even lower. The one really warm day of near seventy was also mostly rainy. The sun didn’t appear from behind the clouds until well after noon. The trap is being lured into believing that winter is done with us.

This year, I’m not falling for the trap.

The first year, when Chris and I moved here, it was in February. There were large piles of snow in all of the parking lots but there was nothing on the ground and time outside only required a light jacket. We thought nothing of it, assuming that the weather here was not too different from OKC. The next year, a month after Chris’s passing, I experienced my first real snow storm. I had to buy a snow shovel and I spent one day shoveling my driveway. The next morning, I got up determined to make it to work only to discover that the snowplows had plowed the snow from the streets to form a frozen wall of snow at the end of my driveway. I remember sitting down hard on my front step and crying. I mentally and physically could not handle it and that is when a seed of hate and dread started to take root and sprout. The seed flourished with every snow flake and temperature drop.

Maybe it is because this winter has been fairly mild or maybe it is because I’m just not good with plants, but this year feels different. Oh…I still have hate in my heart for snow days and freezing temperatures. I just feel more tolerable of those conditions and more patient with my wait for steady Spring like temperatures. If anything, I find myself savoring the days that are warm, as sporadic as they are. I know March isn’t going to be much better. I mean, we often see snow in April around here. It has taken me ten years to come around to it, but I think I’m finally getting used to the wonky messed up way this area transitions into Spring.

I am embracing the unsettling.