Here was the original plan for Saturday. I would get up and do the weekly food gathering. Then I would go buy new gym shoes, some candy for the Cabbage’s birthday stocking, and some new makeup. After this, I would meet Michael back at the house so we could regroup for lunch. While I was doing all of the above, Michael was supposed to take the camper to the dealership for repairs and stop by Bass Pro for raccoon repellent before meeting me back at the house to regroup for lunch. After lunch, we’d hit up a hardware store and a fancy grocery store before coming home to clean the basement.

Morning went exactly as planned. It was the afternoon that got derailed. The derailing of this plan started when Michael was left unsupervised in Bass Pro. All he needed to buy was Fox Pee. That’s it, but not only did he come home with the Fox Pee, he also returned with a very cruel and inhumane trap and a pellet gun. After some serious discussion that included me suggesting he place his own ‘paw’ into the trap to demonstrate how the trap “doesn’t harm the animal”, he agreed that we should return the trap, but keep the pellet gun. I let him keep his pellet gun. He’s going to shoot at some paper targets and then the gun will go into some safe hiding place and never see the light of day again. Five years later, he’ll be cleaning out some box and find it. He’ll exclaim “When did we get a pellet gun?!?!” It will be just like Christmas for him.

So our afternoon was spent driving out to the suburbs to the closest Bass Pro. Then there was a stop at a sporting goods close-out store, Home Depot and the Price Chopper that sells piñatas and has bulk bins of jalapeños. By the time we made it home, I lacked the energy to do anything in the basement. Which I think was Michael’s plan all along. I believe this is his plan for every Saturday, to drag me around all over the city for unnecessary reasons so that I don’t have time to clean and take care of things around the house. These are things that I end up having to do on a Sunday, usually while he’s sleeping or take vacation time just to stay home and clean. That’s what I’m doing next week. Except, I can take the basement and garage off my list because I did get around to cleaning those spaces on Sunday.

While Michael was sleeping.

Turns out I can accomplish a whole lot of chores while Michael is sleeping.