Last week, I completely spaced on my chiropractor appointment. I got a text from the receptionist asking if I was running late and I was all “running late? for what?” Then I apologized for my crazy brain and rescheduled. I know exactly what happened. I got to work and started dealing with emails and scheduling of microscopes and drinking coffee. The last thing I was thinking about was the way my left shoulder is sitting lower than my right shoulder. I was thinking about scheduling, batch processing slides, and how I am totally unprepared for Camp Wildling that is now nine days away. I am drowning in a sea of slides and will be imaging right up until the very last minute. If I had access to internet at camp, I would probably be remoting in to batch process all the images from those slides.

I do not have access to decent internet at camp.

I also do not have my work email on my phone.

I am nine days away from truly being unreachable; at least by those who do not have my phone number. I am equal parts relieved and terrified by this. I’ve gotten myself used to taking care of things around here and being the one that many of our microscopy users seek out. I feel protective of my grad students and postdocs. I feel teritorial of at least three microscopes in out Core. I know their quirks and tricks and how to deal with them when they misbehave. I worry about what sort of tornado damage I’m going to come back to after being away. Lately at night, I’ve been dreaming of doing the kind of lab work that I haven’t done in ten years and imaging samples that don’t exist. I know what those dreams are saying to me. Those are warnings telling me to step back and take a break.

I don’t want to.

I want to.

I need to.

I’m going to.

In nine, or eight and half days now, I will step away from all of this. I may have all of the things with me that I need for camp and I might not. But I will leave behind the things that will serve me no purpose at camp. I promise, cross my heart. For right now though, I’m just going to stay on top of this slide sea that’s forming around me and continue dreaming about failed DNA preps.