CINDY MADDERA

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MY LEAST FAVORITE THING TO SHOP FOR

Saturday was one of those odd days where Michael got up at the same time as me and we both ended up doing the grocery shopping. The original plan was for me to get him up when I got home from grocery shopping so we could go to early voting at Union Station. The new plan included a car wash and tag teaming grocery shopping (tag teaming grocery shopping means, I get most of the things on the list while Michael roams around the store grabbing things not on the list). Groceries purchased and put away, we finally headed to Union Station, parking at Crown Center because parking is free on Saturdays and we can walk the sky walk over to the station.

We wandered around Union Station looking for the polling place which turned out to be closed, and while we were walking, I told Michael about the bra I had on because the one I wear all week is in the washer. He stops and says “Wait. You wear the same bra everyday? This is unacceptable. Where do you buy bras?” and he immediately pulls out his phone to start looking up places to buy underwear, finding a boutique near by. I voiced my concerns about bra shopping but I couldn’t tell if he was not listening or just flat out ignoring me, because we got on the streetcar anyway and rode it a few blocks up the street. The closer we got to the store, the more anxious I became about even looking into the store window let alone stepping inside. This is not a department store or Target (where my last bit of lingerie was purchased). This is a BOUTIQUE, the kind of place you make an appointment to go to. Walk ins are welcome, but it’s better to make an appointment. I did not have an appointment. I did not have any business walking into this store. Michael sort of shoved me through the door and said “I’ll be back in a bit. Have fun!” It was not unlike any time I’ve ever dropped Josephine off at the groomer’s or that time Talaura shoved a cookie into my hands while pushing me off the bus at the airport in NY so there would not be goodbye tears.

The boutique, Birdie’s, is tiny and filled with beautiful bits of ethically sourced lingerie displayed in old glass and wood cases and at first I didn’t know where to start, but the woman behind the counter stepped up. She asked me a few questions about what I needed in a day-to-day bra and then she measured me. She pinned closed the curtain, sealing me into the tiny dressing room and then came back with a handful of lacy bras and said she’d be back with some slightly padded ones next. My shoulder sagged a little at the stack of lacy bras. Once, while I was in graduate school, a guy in my department looked right at my chest and said “Oh! It must be cold in here.” I have worn a padded bra ever since. I never reach for just lace when shopping for a bra. I want to reach for the lace. I’d love to wear something pretty every day, but that one comment ruined me. I tried on every single bra the woman handed me (there were a lot) and every one of them fit me and was comfortable. I finally had to narrow it down to three based on color and only one of them has padding. It is also mostly lace. I bought three lacy, very pretty bras that fit, are comfortable, and make me feel like getting in a time machine so I can go back to that day in grad-school and give that jerk the response he deserved and probably still deserves.

Michael came into the shop while the woman was ringing up my purchases, which included a new, very sexy sticker for the scooter. I looked at him and said “There’s a lot of things in here that I like and this is a very appropriate place for you to buy gift cards for me when you don’t know what to get me.” I walked into Birdie’s feeling insecure and cranky about having to do my least favorite kind of shopping. I walked out of that store feeling empowered, knowing that I would go back in there in the near future able to confidently point at any style or lingerie set and say “I’d like that in this size please.” Heck, I don’t even have to go in there and point. All I have to do is tell her my size and an array of beautiful things will just be brought to me to try on.

I think Birdie’s just turned bra shopping into my new favorite thing.