I feel like the most adult thing we did this weekend was not dropping $5,000 on a new couch. In fact, I am so proud of ourselves for coming to the conclusion so quickly that we probably deserve a trophy. I mean, we told the sales clerk that we needed to go home and remeasure the space and that we’d be back the next day and at the time of saying that, I truly meant every word. Then once we were back in the truck, we both realized at the same time that we did not need a $5,000 couch. But we do need a couch. It is this desperation of need that drove us to even considering a $5,000 couch in the first place.

At the end of July, when our estimated delivery date for the new couch was pushed back to November 30th, I thought “Okay…we can move the futon up from the basement and sit on that until November.” It’s been 1997 in our living room ever since and it did not take long for the two of us to realize that we no longer have 1997 bodies for sitting on 1997 cheap furniture. Once you’ve experienced a couch with armrests, there’s no going back to seating options without armrests. No one is comfortable. Josephine and the cat are the most comfortable with this seating arrangement but that is only because they are laying on me. I could handle all of this if the couch was truly going to arrive on the 30th, but oh no. Friday, I received a new notice of estimated delivery. This one’s for February of 2022 and I feel like this is unacceptable. At this point I don’t even remember what the new couch looks like or feels like. Did we consider all of the things when we sat on this couch in the showroom back in March. BACK IN MARCH! I don’t remember what I ate for dinner on Friday. How am I supposed to remember how comfortable a piece of furniture that I sat on eight months ago is or isn’t?

Wait…I had Thai fried rice for dinner on Friday.

I’m not senile. I’m an adult. I am an adult that has acquired a certain level of standards. That might not mean a $5,000 couch, but it does mean a comfortable affordable couch. So, Michael and I are preparing to play the field with all of the furniture stores. Next weekend, I will medicate myself and then we will drive out to the big furniture mart and sit on all of the couches. It must be comfortable for both us. It must be made of durable, pet friendly materials. And this part? This next bit? It must be in stock or a guaranteed delivery date of two weeks. No more of that estimated delivery bullshit. Because I deserve nice furniture. This is the most important realization from the whole couch experience. I am no longer a poor college student or recent graduate. My student loans have been paid in full. I have automotive insurance that I have been paying on for years and have been so responsible that I did not have to meet a deductible when I filed the loss of V. I have always been (mostly) responsible, but now I have become more financially responsible in ways that I most definitely was not when Chris was alive. My furniture no longer has to be found on the curb or handed down from a family member and my furniture can come pre-assembled.

Because I am a grown up, dammit!

Anyway…that’s what I keep telling myself. Eventually it is going to stick and I might actually believe it. Right now, it’s become a mantra for why I deserve a good couch.