The other day, I watched a How To video for expressing anal glands on a dog. I should probably tell you why I was watching this video. You see, Josephine has been licking her butt more than anyone should ever lick their butts. She has not been scooting around on the carpet or anything. Just licking and making annoyingly gross smacking noises while she does it.

Warning: This is going to get real gross.

Michael keeps telling me that we need to reel in our spending. Christmas put a dent in our budget. I thought I was being resourceful by looking into Josephine’s problem with out paying for vet visit. I started looking into Josephine’s butt problem and the number one reason for this behavior is anal glands. So as a way to save us some money, I thought maybe I could teach myself to express her anal glands. I watched the video and I saw things I wish I had never seen. Ever. I am doing you a favor. DO NOT EVER WATCH SOMEONE PERFORM THIS PROCEDURE! This is not an area for cutting back on spending.

So I decided that I was calling the vet. I could also have them look at a suspicious lump Josephine has on her right shoulder. It’s been there for ages, but it has recently gotten bigger. I thought I’d just get her into the vet and get all of these little things taken care of, but before I could make that call, that bump that’s been getting bigger burst open. And some awfulness ensued. I managed to clean the area without throwing up and then I called the vet and told them what happened. They managed to find me an appointment for that evening. My vet is still doing curbside service. Someone comes out and gets your pet and then the vet calls you talk about her discoveries. So I spent the evening waiting in my car while Josephine got poked and prodded. The bump, though very very very gross, is not a big deal. It’s just a simple sebaceous cyst, that now is clean. If it returns, we’ll have to discuss options, but for right now there is no need to worry. Josephine is on antibiotics just in case and after flushing out the cyst, the vet took care of Josephine’s butt.

There is a list of gratitudes here. At the top of the list is that Josephine is okay. A very close second is for the privilege of being able to pay someone to care for my dog. There are 10 million fewer Americans in the work force this year as compared to last year. Many have considered surrendering their pets because they can’t afford to feed them, let alone pay for veterinarian care. I am very grateful that I do not have to make such a difficult choice. While Josephine’s excursion to the vet will tighten our budget, it will not break the bank. I read a blog entry a long time ago about a woman’s massage experience. She ended it with “Life is gross. Carry a flashlight.” That line has stayed with me. Those two simple sentences are such sage pieces of advice. It says to me that you should always have a light to guide you through the grossness of life.

We should all be carrying flashlights right now.