It was an early Sunday morning, right after the New Year. I was sitting on the couch, watching CBS Sunday Morning and texting with my sister-in-law, Katrina. We were pondering birthday gifts for my mom, tossing ideas and links back and forth. Then Katrina asked “What do you want for your birthday?” I never know what I want for my birthday. I take that back. I never know how to ask for what I want for my birthday. I told Katrina that I could use a new bag for my yoga mat. My current one has a hole in it and it’s getting worn. Then I added “or roller skates” to my reply. The next thing I know I was measuring my foot with a ruler. The skates arrived while I was in lab meeting. We had reached the end of the meeting and we were just socially chatting about our holidays. I couldn’t wait, so I opened my skates during the meeting. All of my coworkers got to see my brand new roller skates and my giddy face.

Last year, before the pandemic, I got high and went roller skating at a roller rink. While the crowd of other skaters were slightly annoying and I was way out of practice, I soon got my skate legs back and a rhythm to maneuvering around others on the roller rink. I entered a sweet spot where everyone around me disappeared and I was the only skater on the rink. It was just me gliding along to the tunes playing. In that moment, I knew that I wanted to do this all the time. No fancy moves, just gliding along the hard wood floor with moody flashy lights and music. When those roller skates arrived, I was not in the best of moods. That changed the minute I put those skates onto my feet. Y’all, the wheels light up! Are you fucking kidding me?!? I skated tiny figure eights in the small space without rugs in my living room. Josephine is not a fan. She chased me and growled at my feet. I’m going to clean up the basement and turn it into my personal roller rink. It won’t take much. Sweep the floor and hang some twinkle lights. Hire a DJ.

I had a gift card for Anthropologie to spend recently and I put a bunch of stuff in my cart and waited. I would go back and look at what was in my cart, take something out, put something else back in. At one point I had four different tunic like dresses in my cart, all in some shade of blue. I left one of them in my cart, took all the others out and then added a yellow tunic sweater dress and salmon colored jumpsuit. Both items are a compromise of styles I would wear but colors I would shy away from. My wardrobe is the one I dreamed of as a teenager except it contains more color than I expected. On gray, dark days, I’m going to wear that yellow dress and imagine that I am the sun, the softest sun because it feels like it was knit from the softest muppet hair. On mean red days, I’m going to put that jumpsuit on, lace up my roller skates and skate tiny circles in my basement. Tunics with leggings, jumpsuits and roller skates. I am finally the teenager I always wanted to be.

If you need me, I’ll be in the basement practicing my roller girl moves.