I have a confession. I really like the new Taylor Swift album. This may surprise some people; I tend to be slightly snobby about musicians. If you were to tell me last year that I would be willingly listening to Taylor Swift, I would have laughed in your face and told you to shut up. Except I have been listening to her latest album on loop for days. It might have something to do with her collaboration with the National and if you know anything about me, you know I love me some National. I want to kiss Matt Berninger on the mouth. In fact I was thinking about that during my last yoga practice and what a great life list item that would make. This led to thoughts about a Life List. Remember when we all made Life Lists all those years ago? It was hole thing set off by Maggie Mason and we all jumped on the band wagon of living our lives to the fullest. For a while we did just that. It almost became a game of what we could mark off our list.

I still vividly remember sitting on Misti’s couch with a mug of coffee in my hands while Talaura and Misti put together a program for Chris’s memorial service. Misti asked about sharing Chris’s Life List and my throat became clogged with emotion. All I could do was was shake my head ‘no’ while tears dripped into my coffee. I couldn’t handle it. His list had become a list of things we would never get to do. I abandoned my own list soon after Chris’s death. Our lists were unintentionally intertwined in a way that I didn’t want to do anything on my own list with out him. Looking at his or my own life list was looking at all of the things we didn’t get a chance to do and it was really really painful. Like being stabbed with a million needles. So I let my list flutter away into the ether. The shine of the idea of the Life List wore off for many of us and the blogging community stopped talking about it.

Then I was thinking of ole Matt up there and started pondering the possibility of a new Life List. I have twenty two things on the list so far. ‘Kiss Matt Berninger on the mouth’ is number four on the list. Number two on the list is a list of heads of hair I want to run my fingers through, like Jim James and Eddie Vedder (even though he’s cut all of his hair off). I want to try acid and mushrooms, but not at the same time. I want to jump rope on the The Great Wall of China and actually see a real live moose. Not every thing so far on the list has been ridiculous. I have thoughts on a photography project that I want to start called In His Shoes where I wear J’s old combat boots in different places. I’d like to put together some different playlists, like how we used to do mixtapes (my music is a total mess). I want to create a yoga event in my neighborhood. Actually, that one might be a little ridiculous, but I think the bottom line is that I want to do stuff. Being cooped up for months will do that to you.

I am taking my time in creating this list though. More time than I spent on the last one. I feel like I was in some kind of hurry to write that first list. Then I struggled to come up with one hundred things that I wanted to do without ending up with a list of chores. I only want things on this list that spark joy. I want silly and playful. I want a bit of danger and adventure, but I also want this list to remain solely mine. That means I may never share it or only share bits of it at a time. I learned from the last list that friends are helpful when it comes to accomplishing things. I mean, a water balloon fight with yourself just seems sad. What’s the point of tasting a sour orange if there’s no one there to see the look on your face when you do it? Where’s the fun in silly and ridiculous if it isn’t shared?

Now, I’m off to look into bounce house rentals.