The girl bagging my groceries at Trader Joe’s started talking to me about kombucha as she placed my two bottles into a bag. I mentioned that I have a masters in microbiology and molecular genetics and that is why I can’t ever bring myself to drink the sludge at the bottom of a kombucha bottle. She agreed that it was pretty gross. Then she asked “So, you’re a scientist. Is this virus really bad?” All I said was “Yes. Yes it is bad.” I spent all day Monday looking at COVID numbers, graphing death rates and infection rates. I have access to a dataset that is updated weekly and then as part of my data analysis class we’ve been using this data to learn python coding features. So I have a front row seat to this shit show of a pandemic and it is making it really hard to get out of bed in the mornings.

Today, after group meeting, I rolled out my yoga mat. With Snow Patrol blaring through my iPad, I did twenty rounds of sun salutations. I just kept moving and pushing myself in hopes of quieting all of the noise inside my brain. Then I settled in to final relaxation with a guided meditation. The woman leading the meditation said something about how on most days she can feel a slight ache in the back of her body. And with those words, I started weeping. I don’t even really think I listened to the rest of the words she had to say. I just laid there and sobbed, filling my eye pillow with tears. There are a litany of reasons for why I was sobbing. Isolation, uncertainty, the ever changing work schedule, the constant battle against the spread of misinformation, watching as Trump slowly takes away our first amendment rights. The list is large, but eventually the tears dried up and I came to a conclusion.

Facebook is killing me.

I used to be a fan of Facebook. I believed in its ability to connect friends and family. For a long time, I saw that space as place to cultivate good, a place where we could congratulate each others successes and commiserate each others losses. I viewed it as a way to support each other. I never expected it would be a place for people to spread misinformation, intolerance and hatefulness, but my newsfeed is filled with all of that. Facebook has become a place that is not good so I have decided to find a way to not visit that space. I know people who have declared “Enough! I’m out!” and have left Facebook for a few months. I am not ready to deactivate my account only because of the platform it provides me for sharing my art. I guess, deep down I still feel like that space could be used for good and I still have a responsibility, if only for myself, to share good and truth. Instead of deleting my Facebook profile completely, I am looking into ways to reduce the time I waste in that space. I have deleted the app from my phone and iPad and I am considering converting my Facebook profile into a page. I have also started unfollowing people, remaining connect so that I can still send ‘Happy Birthday’ wishes but not seeing all of the things they post.

My information on current events does not come from Facebook. Nobody’s information on current events should come from Facebook. I can be contacted through email, Instagram, and this blog. If you have my number, you can text me. I’d love to hear about your triumphs and send virtual love in times of need. I’d love to help answer questions about science or point in the right direction for finding answers. This is how I will be staying connected with friends and loved ones for a while. Just long enough to do some healing.