I dreamed I had a pet octopus. He was tiny and his name was Charlie. I got him from a kiosk at a mall. It was one of those operations where you build the habitat and then stick an animal in it. I was really mad about the size of the box I had to work with, but I put some white sand in the container with a nice rock. Then the attendant plucked a small pink octopus out of a tank full of octopus and placed it in my container. I gave Michael a solum look and said “He is going to die if we don’t move him into something better than this.” We took Charlie home where he then escaped his container and disappeared. I woke up before finding him dead or alive. I can only hope that Charlie found his way back to the ocean. All the way from Missouri.

I’ve a had a few people checking in with me this week what with it being Chris’s birthday, soon to be followed up with the anniversary of his death. Michael and I have so much on our calendars that we actually printed out the months of February and March and stuck them to our fridge. We’ve written in all of the things and we add things when necessary. I put Chris’s birthday and his death day on the calendar. I did this because every year Michael says something about not knowing the dates and wishing he knew the dates. I don’t want to be constantly reminding him because every time I do, it’s a reminder to me. And by golly, I KNOW those dates and I do not need the reminder. I also don’t want special treatment. I don’t want to be tip-toed around. I just want to go about my daily life, take a moment to be a little sad and swear at Chris for being dead, and move forward.

I am not pretending or protesting too much when I say that I am in a really really good place this year. My meditation practice is solid and consistent. I am not just being responsible for my own happiness, I am taking charge of my own happiness in fact, I’m putting it on the top of my list of things I need to take charge of. I have taken some chances that I did not ever see myself taking like teaching workshops and showing my photography in a space other than my own home. These are things that I never would have volunteered to do, nor are they things that I would have thought would bring me so much joy.

I am Charlie and I am escaping my tiny space for the big wide world.