When my alarm went off Thursday morning, I turned it off and then rolled back over to sleep. My body was tired and sore and I wasn’t ready to move. Tuesday’s torture class was truly torturous. Wednesday’s yoga class was more challenging than I had anticipated. Then I taught an equally challenging yoga class that evening. So, yeah, by the next day, this body was stiff and sore. I was still feeling bad about myself over Tuesday’s class and how much I struggled. I keep thinking that at some point this class is going to feel less torturous, but Tuesday had a lot of burpees, box hops and jumping jacks followed up with mountain climbers and pushups. My ankle hurt with every jump. My right thumb area of my palm hurt. My nose was running and all the sinus drainage left me with a cough that made it sound like I had a cold. I noticed the other women in the class not struggling as much as I seemed to be and I am easily the largest most unfit one of the bunch. I left class feeling like a big sweaty loser.

I tell my yoga students all the time to ‘stay on your own mat’. That means not paying attention to what others are doing and only focusing on your body. I forgot that this applies to me. I forgot that this goes for off the mat times as well. My ankle and my thumb were hurting not because muscles were working. I have joint pain because I’m not so young any more. The whole sinus issue that is happening when I exercise is not because I am out of shape. It’s actually a thing called exercise-induced rhinitis. Basically, the high intensity aerobic parts of the class are exacerbating my allergy symptoms. I just need to sniff some Flonase before class. Mostly though, I need to stop comparing myself or competing with the others in that class and just focus on doing the best I can in this body.

I need to give myself a break.

So when I woke up with a groan Thursday morning, I made the choice to sleep in, to make breakfast and then get in the shower when Michael was done in the bathroom. This is the opposite of my usual morning routine. Usually I am so attached to the timing of a routine that I don’t allow for any flexibility even at the expensive of my bodily health. The only consequences for my tardiness are the ones I give myself. The choice to rest really only set me back about fifteen minutes any way. I got to work and started my morning chore list without rushing myself or allowing myself to feel behind for the day. I snorted some Flonase and then went to torture class and focused on my own self. I did all of the jump roping and went up to a heavier weight for squats, taking breaks when I needed to take breaks. Then I high-fived myself in the mirror. I left class feeling like a medium sweaty winner.

I am not a house of cards that falls apart at the slightest disruption.

Giving myself breaks is not an excuse to not do the work; I can do both.

I might be allergic to exercise.