My brother said something over the weekend about how he’s supposedly the enemy now because he is a white privileged male. He followed this up with how he didn’t understand how he was privileged because he’s had to work hard for everything he has. He sounded dejected as he said all of this and I felt bad for him. My brother is a good man. I wanted to explain to him how, even though he’s worked hard for everything, he still has a certain amount of privilege allotted to him because of the color of his skin and his maleness. How do you explain to someone who hasn’t had it easy, that they are privileged?

Privilege: a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group.

I can see my brother reading this definition and asking “what was my special right?” Oklahoma is still a very racially segregated state. Most, if not all, of what he experiences is in a community of white where marginalization is socioeconomic. As a good friend of my pointed out, even the right to work is a privilege. This study is a good example of how just the name on your resume can keep you from getting a job.

White names receive 50 percent more callbacks for interviews

I once had a boss ask me if it was true that some of the people we were working with didn’t want to talk to me because I am a woman. He said this with all sincerity. He was genuinely clueless. It just never dawned on him that this sort of discrimination was happening in his environment. Because it was something he himself had never experienced. This is privilege. Walking into a store without being under constant supervision because of the color of your skin is a privilege. Going to buy a wedding cake and not being turned away due to your sexual orientation is a privilege. Being paid and treated the same as your coworkers is a privilege.

I recognize that I too have many privileges allotted to me. I didn’t ask for them, but I sure did take advantage of the safety it provided me. I allowed myself to be naive in thinking that all people had the same advantages if they only worked hard for it. Honestly, I didn’t have to work all that hard to get to where I am today. Scholarships just appeared. My parents had just enough. I did not have to work and support myself while I was getting an education. THAT IS A PRIVILEGE. With my whole heart, I believe this should not be a privilege but a right for everyone. Now I use the benefits of my privilege to support education whether it be through volunteer outreach or donations. The first step is recognizing your privilege. The second step is using that privilege to do good, to speaking up for the marginalized and to be grateful.

Your privilege doesn’t make you an enemy unless you believe that you are owed these privileges because of your race. Or that you are owed these privileges at all. This is an important conversation that we need to be having because we need good men like my brother on our side. The last thing I want is for my brother to feel threatened or alienated for a number of reasons. Look what happens when white men feel threatened and alienated. They do stupid things like vote for Trump, hold rallies declaring their superiority, and have parades promoting their homophobia.