We started a new tradition last year when we traveled to California for Thanksgiving, or what we all like to call Crabsgiving because we ate crabs for two days in a cabin in the Point Reyes National Seashore. It just made sense that we would repeat some aspect of that this year. Indian food replaced the crabs and Colorado replaced California. Most of last year’s group couldn’t make it, but Michael, Heather and I all had a wonderfully relaxing, snow filled time. Heather moved to Denver in the Spring of this year and it has been a good move for her. Michael and I had a great time and we made plans for next year. We’re calling next year Crawdadsgiving or Oystersgiving 2020 and you can guess our destination.

Michael and I got home late Saturday and I spent Sunday gathering food for the week and washing clothes. We are getting thick in the hustle that comes with December. I leave Friday for a conference in D.C. and come back to office Christmas parties and other Holiday festivities. Before I know it we will be packing the car for our Christmas visit with my family in Oklahoma. Though, I do not feel rushed or panicked. I have a couple of things left on the list to get for gifts, Christmas cards are ordered, and most everything else is done. I’ve been planning ahead. The one thing I was unsure about was wether or not I’d have the energy and time to deal with putting up the Christmas tree. I thought about skipping it mostly because I didn’t think I’d have time. By the time I would get around to it all, it would be time to take it all down. Why bother? Then I thought about the new ornament we bought for this year and I moved the pile of animals I was laying under and got up from the couch.

The tree is standing with lights and ornaments. There’s a pretty wreath on the door and the Hanukah lamp is setting on the bookcase. I have yet to hang up stockings, but only because I am out of the sticky things needed for the hanging. I did the bare minimum of decorating. The tree is just lights and ornaments. No ribbon or tinsel. I was a little bit worried that the tree would look sparse without ribbon, but it seems that I have finally amassed a decent number of ornaments so that it doesn’t matter if there’s ribbon or garland. Michael and I have acquired a number of look-a-like pairs of ornaments. As I placed the third bearded man figure next to the third girl in a stocking cap figure, I realized that this tree reflects a much different life and I felt a pang of guilt. Chris is barely on the tree any more.

I soothe myself with the reminder that we had still been in the process of replacing our Christmas ornaments. Truth be told, we had been in the process of rebuilding a lot things, like a home. We sat on an air mattress on the living room floor for a month before we inherited a couch from Traci. Replacing his Star Trek and Star Wars ornaments was not a cheap or easy undertaking. I hang every ornament that was his: the Ecto-1, the Wall-E, a storm trooper, a couple of other Star Wars related ornaments. At one time, there was an even dispersal of elephants and Sci-Fi on the tree. There are still plenty of elephants on the tree, of course. The dispersal of elephants and Sci-Fi has turned into a smattering of ornaments made by the Cabbage, bearded gnomes and figures of girls in stocking caps. There are red-capped mushrooms poking out here and there and vintage glass balls.

Actually, it really has become quite a beautiful tree, all things considered. It represents many blessings. I remember when we barely had any ornaments to go on it and now it’s full. My life is full. So full, that sometimes it hurts.