The first Christmas after J died, I didn't feel like doing anything let alone putting up a Christmas tree. By the following year I still wasn't feeling too festive, but Chris got a new Serenity model that he wanted to turn into a Christmas ornament. He was so excited when it showed up in the mail and so cute when he sheepishly asked "can we put up a Christmas tree this year?". He looked like a little kid. I felt bad for depriving him Christmas. So we put up the tree and hung our ornaments including his Serenity and I felt better. It was a reminder that I shouldn't stop doing the traditions I enjoyed just because I'd lost someone close. Chris pointed out that J wouldn't want that. I've struggled with the idea of setting up the Christmas tree this year. I didn't really see the point. It is just me and the dog and we won't even be here for Christmas. I'd have to lug all the decorations up from the basement and then lug the boxes back down. And I know I'll be really tired when I finally make it home at the end of the holiday, just the idea of lugging the boxes back up, tearing everything down and lugging boxes back down into the basement just makes me fall over. But then I'm reminded of how hard we worked to re-build our ornament collection after that disaster I won't talk about. I remember how important it was for us to be able to set that Christmas tree up in our very first home. I remember what a kick both of us got out hanging up our mix of elephant and SciFi ornaments and how we'd laugh so hard at our quirky nativity scene.

So last night I carried all the Christmas boxes up stairs and with A Charlie Brown Christmas playing in the background, I put together our Christmas tree. I'll admit that hanging some of those ornaments stung like a million bees, but Oh man, what great memories those things dredged up. We really do have a great tree.

Happy Love Thursday!